Journal Entry:
Tue Feb 12, 2013, 5:29 PM
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Mood:
Peaceful -
Reading: Oath by Misty Sman-Esay
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Watching: The Fellowship of the Ring
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Drinking: Black Cherry Mio
I'm being honest here.
And it wasn't something big and dramatic, it was something simple, and yet still life saving.
Since I was thirteen, I smoked cigarettes. And I'm not saying if you smoke you're a bad person, and there is no denying the fact that smoking IS bad for your health. (But so is a lot of things we do)
I'm 22 years old right now, I didn't quit until last year around April, when I was 21. I smoked, off and on (being pregnant for nine months and breast feeding for one) for eight years. EIGHT years. Which, compared to some, is not long at all, like my grandfather, who is in his 70's, has been smoking his whole life AND has lung cancer. (But he keeps on going. Stubborn man.)
So, wouldn't having a son, who I adore with my whole world, help me quit? Wouldn't being without a smoke for 10 months help me quit? And wouldn't having horrible asthma make me quit or kill me? (it almost did my Senior Year of High School) I'm stubborn, very stubborn. And smoking was a vice I needed. I was stressed (still stressed) and smoking was a coping mechanism for depression. My options were to cut or smoke. (neither good)
So what finally got me to quit smoking?
I didn't smoke a lot, a pack or two a week ( I know people where that is their average a DAY) For a smoker, I wasn't that bad.
But that was still almost 12$ week, 24$ between Aunna and I.
What got us to stop?
Aunna stopped because in order for her to get her proper hormones she needed to quit. Since to her, being who she is in her heart, it was easy.
What did I do? I used my cigarette money to buy action figures. Star Wars action figures. Mostly Anakin's. That is how my collection tripled in sized over the summer.
The satisfaction of having my Anakin Army really helped. Buying a toy really lifts my spirits. I'm still a kid at heart.
Sometimes I still want a cigarette. Like days like I've been having recently, I would like to escape. Do anything, for the few minutes of calming bliss. Never mind the after effects.
So when I feel that need, I scrounge up enough cash for an action figure. A waste of money, but something that lasts a life time. (And when times were better, Blake would get one too...it's why he has so many toys x.x)
So I think everyone would agree...splurging on toys is a good thing, especially if it keeps me healthy. =^.^=
Thank you Star Wars for being so amazing, for making me a fan girl, for giving me another option. <3 <3
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
Sta.sh
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this journal 
And I'm sorry you've got asthma, I have it, too
It's okay, I have better control over it now
Smoking while having lung cancer?
Now Star Wars... there's a kind of addiction that I can tolerate! (doesn't cause lung cancer, and shows that I have a fellow friend, like you!
Thanks to the great heroics of the Jedi, it seems you fight your smoke addiction with great ease. Keep it up, Rin. We all love you.
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"Dream big and dare to fail! I dare you to do that!" - James Hetfield
I having never smoked but my mom did for a few years. My Pappaw smoked since he was about fifteen and quit about 31 years ago. He would be in his seventies ( I think) if he was still with us.
I need to find something to do that helps me. My counseler says I should try volunteering somewhere to help feel better about myself. Volunteering at the local animal shelter is out of the question since I love small furry animals. I would want to bring some home and that wouldn't be good and my youngest sister might be allergic to cats.
It's nice to know that there are others that struggle. I take meds to stabilize my moods and those might change since in December I wondered if they were working than last month I was wishing that my mother would burn in Hell. I have a good relationship with my mother so I need to record my moods and when I am experiencing them.
I'm sorry for your loss
Ah, yeah. I used to volunteer with animals, when I did I came home with animals.
I despise medication. I've been on so many that did not work and so many that counter acted each other. I hope to find something that works, but, I cannot afford a psychiatrist and my insurance sucks. As soon as I turn 24 I'm off my dad's then I'll go on Aunna's which then I would be able to afford it.
I hope you find something that helps. I hate my moods, and I hate how I am a slave to them. But years of unhelpful therapists kinda ruined me... I went backwards in progress.